Caffeination. It doesn't take much to get the essence of the word, Caffeine Nation. That is us. Indivisible, with liberty and justice. In order to form a more perfect. And so on. I pledge allegiance. And there is, unfortunately, no flag. Never mind. Under God, we are, and under-energized we also are without, you know, caffeine. Nothing like a little buzz from the ever popular speed to set the blood aflow. Except for the exchange of words with those at the other end of the cyber-telephone. Yes, Read more [...]

There is an unspoken agreement about life in an apartment, perhaps about apartments in general. There may be painting, improving, even a ripping out and a hammering in of decor or content. But the fundament remains. The core is the core. And it is a hard core. Draperies, even walls, may change. But not the underpinnings. The essential container. That's why it is tantamount to a crime against nature to feel the exterior wall of one's small bedroom, a.k.a. office, shuddering under steel attack. Unnerving, Read more [...]

Wondering what to do with your life? Feeling like you want something new? Well, why not start renovating? Go on, do it. The future will spill out like a cornucopia from a horn of plenty. What delight! What variety. And you haven't had this much fun since childhood. So let's start there, childhood. In those days...and I didn't even know they were days, let alone their numbered status...my family lived in the desert. Who would have thought that you needed a sandpile in the desert? Well, it turns Read more [...]

Can a cold knock an otherwise sensible person into a prolonged state of anxiety? Perhaps, at least in my case. And why? This has been a matter of some discussion in these blog pages. I maintain that the stamina-sucking properties of the common cold are just enough to push me into something closer to reality. Which is that my life energies are in an unusually critical supply, any drain is noticeable, and with an eye toward age and so on, I am completely fucked. And if this sounds a bit cavalier and Read more [...]

Only a lunatic would spend this, the first spring-like day in a relatively cold California winter, musing upon his failings in the garden. But, what the hell, I am on a neurotic roll, and why stop a bad thing? Actually, my complaint, or my situation, is even worse. But I digress. And in fact, I am so confused that I may not digress enough. So, back to the garden. That's where it all started, isn't it? And, no, we're not talking Eden. No, I was recalling a period at the end of what can be laughingly Read more [...]